maniacmarshall: (Default)
Remember a few weeks back when I posted about The Abby being across the street? I was right, it's WAY too damn convenient.

Today was a lot better day at work, and I finally get a few days off after tomorrow, yay. This 90 hours in 10 days stuff really wears me out, especially when I spend 8 hours driving on my one day off.

I need to catch up on some posts: The Rockies, College Football (especially Illinois and Missouri) and finally getting my Dragon Con report posted being a premium. I also have a half completed post on Kingmaker, which might interest [personal profile] acciochocolate and [personal profile] eve11

What little time I have had this last 10 days has largely been spent working with my Clue league. I'd forgotten what a really nice bunch of people these folks are. Big hug to Mel for working so hard on the league. I really need to get motivated to start working on other areas of Caelestia as well. I just wish I could do SOMETHING for other people. Sometimes I wonder if my entire life hasn't really gone to waste.

What little other time I've had this week has been spent on what seems like it's going to turn out to be a pointless endeavor. Have you ever had a friend that's been hurt really badly by someone else when they did NOTHING wrong to deserve it? Have you ever, in that situation, felt like you would have the means to bring both relief and justice to that person, only to find out that you completely struck out on both counts?

This has been my experience the last few days. I haven't given up, far from that, but I just hate it because I feel like I've, so far at least, let down someone who I've discovered that I care a great deal about. I'm not sure why I feel this strongly, I just know that I do. I've always been one who latches onto people for better or worse I suppose. This person deserves so much more than I've been able to deliver so far, and it irritates me no end. Yet another thread in the web of my life where I feel as though I should be able to do something for someone else, but I feel that I have failed her miserably.

I guess this is my mid life crisis =/ I just wish I could make really meaningful contributions, but everything I try to do seems destined to fail.

Maybe it's just my seasonal affective disorder talking... That usually doesn't hit till November, but then I usually have Archon to get me through early October, and I usually have my beloved Cardinals to see me through the first few weeks as well. I've latched onto the Rockies, but, somehow, it seems and act of desperation, and I know that it will only get worse come November... I hate November...

I miss my Cardinals more than usual this October... I'm reminded again of one of my favorite quotes, by the late A. Bartlett Giamatti

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone.

Meh, I should go to bed before I get more depressed.


maniacmarshall: (Default)

March 2012

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